


pork buns on the way home

by mypage



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Graduation, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29588379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypage/pseuds/mypage
Summary: Renjun is running out of time.Alternatively, the five times Renjun and Mark walk home together from school and the one time Renjun walks home alone.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee
Comments: 10
Kudos: 133





	pork buns on the way home

**Author's Note:**

> the lazy song got me fucked up. if u think that this fic is in any way shape or form inspired by some kuroken, tsukkiyama, iwaoi, bokuaka dynamics u are wrong /s

**i. una**

Renjun doesn’t like awkward silences. 

He thinks that he always has to fill these voids in moments of time. He always feels as if he always needs to be talking, and talking, and talking that it has become both a burden and a chore. Sure, Renjun likes being the designated emcee during school programs and class presentations⏤but it gets tiring sometimes. He thinks hosting isn’t really that much for him. He doesn’t even want to be a broadcaster when he graduates high school. 

But with Mark, it’s easy. The silence isn’t uncomfortable, the silence is all encompassing and Renjun doesn’t mind it. He likes being in silence with Mark Lee.

“Hyung,” he jogs to catch up with Mark as they round the corner, hand wrapping around Mark’s arm to get his attention, “are you joining the concert at the end of the school year?”

Sometimes though, when it’s just him and the sunset starts to be replaced by the moon and the stars, Renjun likes to talk to Mark.

He wonders if it’s just because he likes Mark⏤in silence or in noise. 

Mark turns to him with a smile, glancing once at the hand on his arm but diverts his gaze back up at Renjun. “I mean, I should… right? All the seniors are required to do it before graduation… I still don’t know what to do, though.”

Right. The graduation.

Mark is going to graduate this year. He has a university offer in Seoul, will learn how to become the best writer and the rest of the world will fall in love with the words Mark Lee writes. Then, he’ll forget about the life here in Gwangju and he’ll forget about Renjun⏤he’ll forget about the highschool friend that foolishly followed him home after all these years. 

But hey.

For now, Mark knows him. Mark remembers him in the now and Renjun will savor that for as long as he is able to. No one can take Mark away from him at this moment now. 

“Maybe you should play the guitar and sing! I’m not kidding when I say you have a good singing voice.”

“I’m not singing.” Mark stresses with a laugh, tugging Renjun in closer by pulling his arm to his side. “You’re the singer, maybe I’ll consider singing if you sing with me.”

Renjun flushes pink, and hopes that the dimming street lights hide him well enough from Mark. “I’m not required to perform. Plus, I’ll probably host the entire event anyway. Donghyuck’s already bugging me about it.”

Mark hums as they reach another street light. Once they cross the street, they’ll be passing by the convenience store next to his house. He still wants to stay next to Mark a little bit longer. After all, he’s running out of time. Can anyone really blame him for wanting to stay close? 

“Then, I’m sure that the event will be in very good hands.” Mark stops, looks left and right and Renjun holds on to his arm tighter as they cross the street. It’s regretful how shorter the route home seems to be the past few days.

He just wants to be with Mark a little longer, talk to him a little more, touch him a little more… he wants to tell Mark how he feels. 

“Doubtful, the last time I emceed with Donghyuck we almost burnt the stage down.”

“But it was an entertaining show, wasn’t it?” 

“It was…” Renjun can’t argue with that. Although it had been one of the most anxiety-inducing events, he still managed to pull through it with Donghyuck. They laugh now when they talk about it. Maybe he’ll agree to host the event again. 

They manage to cross the street, and Renjun gets ready to let go of Mark so they can separate to go home. 

But Mark halts in front of the convenience store. “I’m craving pork buns. Do you want pork buns?”

Renjun chews on his bottom lips. Pork buns sound nice, but… “I didn’t bring any money.”

“You don’t have to worry about it. So, pork buns?” 

How can he say no to Mark Lee?

He’s running out of time.

But for now, he’ll deal with the pork buns and the knowledge that Mark wants to stay with him a little bit longer too. 

“Sure,” Renjun agrees, “pork buns sound nice.” 

**ii. pangalawa**

Most of the time, he walks home with Mark, alone⏤just the two of them.

But Renjun made the wrong decision of bragging about Mark treating him to pork buns to his friends and now everyone wants to be treated to pork buns. Most of them don’t even live in this block, they just want free pork buns and Mark has always been the kind of person to always say yes to their whims. 

So much for being their captain. 

Mark’s the captain of their defunct debate team. Renjun joined the team during his first year with Donghyuck, Jeno and Jaemin and Mark was the only second year at that time. He’s pretty sure that they only joined because of Jungwoo’s coercion. It’s a long story, but despite them being added as new members⏤the debate team didn’t really do too well. 

He’s always figured that would happen sooner or later, anyway. None of them took debate seriously after Jungwoo’s graduation and eventually, the school didn’t find the need to keep the debate club official. So, it’s been defunct since the beginning of the school year, but they still hung out like they always did. The debate club has always been a reason for them to hang out, anyway. 

Nothing has changed.

“Sorry,” he apologizes to Mark as they walk up to the cashier with pork buns in hand. Their friends are sitting around a table, chatting noisily about today’s P.E. class. It’s mostly Donghyuck screaming and Jaemin arguing with him with dramatic gestures as Jeno laughs at them. He likes being around his friends, they’re funny and noisy⏤and Renjun likes that he’s not required to be talkative when with them. 

“Mhm?” Mark raises his brow at him as they step forward. There are two more people in front of them before they get to the cashier. He can get this time to talk with Mark.

Although he likes his friends, he has been spending the entire day with them as they share all of their classes. He’ll be spending the rest of his highschool life with them and just this once… just when he’s running out of time, he wants to be a little selfish. He wants to be with Mark alone. 

“Why are you saying sorry?” Mark asks. “You can’t do anything wrong to me, Injunnie.”

His ears flare up again, and his chest constricts in a manner that only happens when he’s with Mark. Sometimes, Mark says these things… and Renjun thinks about them, _overthinks_ about them. He wonders if they mean things, if they mean more than what Mark lets on. He wonders if those words mean that there’s a tiny possibility that Mark may like him the way he does. 

But it’s just him overthinking again, probably.

Renjun huffs. “I bragged to them about the pork buns and now they’re making you treat them… it’s such a waste of allowance. They don’t need to be fed, they’re all taller than me now.”

Mark laughs, the kind of laugh that makes the whiskers in cheeks appear, the kind of laugh where his cheek bunches up and turns his eyes into half-moons. He doesn’t think what he said is that funny, but it made Mark laugh. His chest swells with equal amounts of fondness and of pride.

“Don’t worry about it.” Mark said as they stepped forward closer to the counter. “I don’t get that many chances to treat the whole club anymore… so, this one’s on me.” 

Renjun inhales, then exhales. This is what he likes so much about Mark. He’s reliable, he’s always there, he always tells people not to worry and that he’s got everything under control. He takes care of everyone, and likes making people feel included. 

It’s why Renjun wants to take care of him too. “Okay. But next time, I’m treating you pork buns. Okay?” 

They step up to the counter, setting the pork buns on the counter for the cashier to check out. Mark takes out his wallet, fishes out some cash and hands it to the cashier before turning to Renjun with a small smile. “Okay, I’ll be looking forward to those pork buns.”

“Huang Renjun! Stop hogging our Mark hyung and give us our pork buns!” Donghyuck whines from the table, his tie askew and tossed over his shoulder.

“That’s right, save some Mark hyung for the rest of us!” Jaemin agrees right after him, twisting his torso to look at them.

Jeno runs up from the table to help them carry the pork buns to the whiny assholes. Once his hand is free of the pork bun, he flips them the finger. “Fuck you, I’m not hogging Mark hyung.”

Donghyuck definitely knows something and is pushing his buttons. Jaemin probably overheard one thing and told Jeno. He’ll be more surprised if they don’t know anything at all.

Isn’t it obvious by now? It should be obvious to the people closest to them.

He’s in love with Mark Lee.

Mark walks right behind him, carrying drinks to match too. They don’t deserve him. “Now, there’s enough of me to go around. No need to fight, babies.”

But they do. They still argue, even on the way out of the convenience store and even as they eat the pork buns on the short walk to Renjun’s house. They argue, playfully, lightheartedly⏤and it makes Mark laugh. He has gone past the point of placating their scuffles, and has now found it in himself to enjoy the arguments.

When they’re finally waving the trio away to go back to the direction of their own houses, when they’re finally alone again and standing in front of Renjun’s porch, Mark tells him something that’ll fuel him for the next year.

“They’re really noisy but… I’m gonna miss them… miss you.”

Renjun blinks at him. There goes the _words_ again. The words that Renjun will think about later when he’s kicking and tossing around in his bed. It’ll be the words that’ll haunt his dreams, even. 

He clears his throat. “Well… we’ll miss you too. So you better make sure to come visit us on the weekends or we’ll come up to Seoul and kick your ass. I can’t, but I’m sure Donghyuck and Jeno will jump at the chance of pummeling you to the ground.”

Mark gasps in disbelief, eyes wide in genuine shock. “Jeno?! I mean… I understand Donghyuck… but Jeno?”

Renjun crosses his arms over his chest, smiles smugly and shrugs. “I mean… he has his secrets.”

Mark shakes his head and steps backwards. “You guys aren’t rid of me yet. Just because I’m in Seoul doesn’t mean I won’t be nagging you to attend classes and do homework anymore.”

“That’s a relief then, Mark hyung. You aren’t rid of us yet, either.” 

**iii. pangatlo**

It’s a tiring day.

He has received his script from the event committee about the end of the school year concert and Donghyuck insists that they start rehearsing as soon as possible. Naturally, what that meant is that Donghyuck has been pulling him out of his lunch time and asking him to rehearse with him.

This is not the first time that they do an emceeing gig together, but Renjun understands why Donghyuck puts so much importance to this event compared to the others that they hosted together. It’s Mark’s last event.

And, well, other than the hosting gig⏤he’s also agreed to sing with Mark. 

He’s not quite sure how it’ll work out during the program, but he’s told Donghyuck about it and he thinks it’s a great idea. Given that he also had that weird and creepy smile on his face when Renjun told him about it, Renjun thinks it’s going to be fine. 

Other than the incessant teasing from Donghyuck about being _whipped_ for Mark (and the teasing from Jaemin and Jeno that will follow), Renjun doesn’t think it’s a bad idea either. 

It’s a tiring day, but Renjun still has to practice the song with Mark. He still has to walk home with Mark, stay in his room with him for a few hours as Mark learns the chords and he sings along with him. He’s going to have alone time with Mark and that’s all that keeps Renjun going.

He’s running out of time, he’s still painfully aware of that. But now, it feels like he has all the time in the world. 

They reach the streetlight, a pedestrian lane away from the convenience store to his house. It’s okay, he’s not going home yet. He’s going to pass his house, walk a few meters to Mark’s house and spend dinner there. His heart flutters pleasantly at the thought. 

It’s not the first time for him to come over at Mark’s house, however, that doesn’t make the experience less exciting. 

“Injunnie,” Mark calls to him, grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers together as the streetlight turns yellow. Renjun swallows hard.

It’s a force of habit, clinging to each other in one form of another when they cross the street. Renjun once told Mark that he gets scared when he crosses the street so since then, Mark has been holding his hand. Sooner or later, he needs to learn how to cross the street on his own. 

He’s not looking forward to that.

“Yeah?” He answers finally. 

“Do you want to get something from the convenience store? Mom isn’t home so there’s no dinner other than the leftovers from yesterday.” 

_No one is home._

_Just him and Mark._

_Should he take this chance?_

_No, it’s too soon. He’s not prepared. Not now. Not yet._

He shakes his head, ridding himself of the thoughts of confessing to Mark. His feelings are going to spill right out of him and _now_ is not the time. He wants it to be perfect, he wants his confession to Mark to be perfect. He doesn’t want it to be over song lyrics and steamed buns. 

It has to be perfect. 

“Okay. I’ll treat you pork buns this time. Remember?”

Mark nods, presses his lips together as he turns his attention to the street. They cross the street to the convenience store, and Mark doesn’t let go of his hand even as they reach the other side. He holds on to Renjun’s hand even as they pick out snacks, drinks, and the pork buns. He only really lets go when it’s time for them to pay for the food. 

Renjun insists they split it, but Mark is more persuasive than he is and tells him that Renjun is his guest and he should be able to have food for him at home. Renjun reluctantly lets Mark pay for the rest of the things, while he shoulders the pork buns like he promised. 

They go out of the convenience store, and Mark hugs the paper bag of snacks close to his chest. They walk close together so that the backs of their hands brush against each other. He wants to hold Mark’s hand. 

They pass Renjun’s house, and he can see the living room light still on. His mom is probably still watching the rerun of her favorite drama, with his dad dozing off on the couch already waiting for her to finish so they can go up to bed together.

“Do you want to grab something from your house first?” Mark asks when he catches him staring.

Renjun shakes his head, gestures to his backpack and grabs Mark’s hand to speed them up. “Nope! If my mom sees us they’ll ask us to eat dinner there and it’ll take two hours before she lets us go. We won’t be able to practice anything.”

_He’s holding Mark’s hand._

He’s holding Mark’s hand and Mark isn’t pulling away.

Mark squeezes his hand. “You’re right, we still have school tomorrow.”

“Yup.”

Here’s one more thing with Mark Lee: he’s completely oblivious. 

He’s smart, he does great in school and he knows exactly what to do in certain situations. But the thing with Mark is that he's oblivious to his own charm. He doesn’t know how a single gesture, a single word or even just a single movement can make someone feel so much. And, in that case, that someone is Renjun.

They’re in Mark’s room. Renjun’s sitting against the headboard of Mark’s bed while Mark sits by the foot of it, cradling his guitar to him. They have the pork buns and the drinks set out in between them, Mark’s been eaten halfway through and Renjun has barely managed to get a bite. 

He’s so damn nervous being around Mark like this.

Renjun has seen Mark play guitar countless times before. Sometimes, Mark brings his guitar to school and they hang out in the old debate club room. It’s nothing new to him, but being alone with Mark as the faint light of his lamp casts a shadow against his face makes Renjun so damn nervous.

His heart hammers in his chest with each chord that Mark strums, and he’s supposed to be singing ‘The Lazy Song’ because it’s the easiest chord progression and Renjun has memorized the lyrics by heart because of how much they’ve sung this in the debate club room. But the lyrics are caught in his throat⏤Mark is so gorgeous.

The melody stops, and Mark’s voice grabs Renjun away. Ah, he’s been caught.

“Renjun? You’re supposed to come in now. Should we start from the top?”

His mouth feels like the desert, so he grabs the bottled iced tea and takes a huge gulp from it. “Sorry, I got lost. Let’s do it again.”

“All good.” 

Mark tunes the guitar, strums a few notes and watches as Renjun gobbles down another bite of the pork buns. Maybe it’ll make him a little less nervous being under Mark’s gaze like this. 

“We ready?” Mark chuckles as Renjun swallows, pushing down the food with the iced tea. 

“Ready to go.”

So, there Mark goes⏤he plays his guitar, hums the melody and remains completely oblivious to the beating heart and the sweaty palms across him. 

Renjun sighs, gets ready to sing and braces himself for the rest of the fall. 

He has fallen in love with Mark Lee, it’s unfortunate how he’s still falling. 

“Today I don’t feel like doing anything.”

“I just wanna lay in my bed.”

**iv. pang-apat**

He remembers something that Jaemin said the other day, “Mark hyung is a lot of people’s first love, but no one really knows who his first love is. I don’t think he’s ever been in love.”

And Renjun remembers the plethora of girls and boys confessing to Mark during Valentine’s day, all the chocolates on his desk and the letters in his locker. Mark is painfully oblivious like that. He always thanks them politely but doesn’t go any further than that. 

It’s like a logical concept, not everyone in an unrequited love is in love with Mark Lee, but everyone who is in love with Mark Lee is in an unrequited love.

And unfortunately, Renjun falls on the latter end of the spectrum.

“Are you gonna do anything about it?” 

He looks up from his emceeing script up to Donghyuck, who’s erasing the chalk off the board and standing with the confidence of a tenured university professor. Everyone has left the class except for him, Donghyuck, Jeno and Jaemin. They’re supposed to rehearse for the concert, but Jeno and Jaemin have decided to watch and give unsolicited criticisms on their hosting skills. 

“Do anything about what?” Renjun asks, furrowing his brows together as he shoots glances at Jeno and Jaemin too. They’re seated across him, similar mischievous grins painted in their expressions. Donghyuck continues to busy himself with the board. “What’s he talking about?” 

“Dude, you serious?” Jaemin chides, slinking down against his seat and kicking Renjun’s desk. “Like, you really haven’t heard about it?” 

“If I heard about it, I wouldn’t be asking you.” Renjun deadpans, then turns his attention to Jeno who’s the most likely to reveal the truth to him. “Jeno, what are they talking about?” 

Jeno looks around him for approval, for salvation in the hopes that either of Jaemin or Donghyuck will come rescue him from Renjun’s death glare. 

Donghyuck and Jaemin look away.

“Fine,” Jeno grunts, pushing himself into an upright sitting position. “But don’t kill me!”

“Jeno, why would I do that?”

“Dunno. I’m scared of you.”

Renjun massages the bridge of his nose and offers his best smile to Jeno. “Jeno, do I look like someone who can hurt you?”

Jaemin cackles from his seat.

“You did punch me in the face once.” Donghyuck recalls, sitting on the teacher’s desk now with his legs crossed over the other. “Remember that?”

“That was one time!” Renjun whines, slamming his hand against his desk. “And, you were being annoying. Jeno isn’t being annoying. Jeno, you’re my best friend. Please tell me.”

“Promise you’re not gonna get mad. Look at Jeno, he looks like he’s about to cry. Peer pressure is bad, kids!” Jaemin admonishes, sticking his nose up and reaching over to pat Jeno on the head. “Say sorry, Renjun.”

“It’s fine.” Jeno brushes away Jaemin’s arm and pulls his chair closer to Renjun. “I’ll tell him.”

Renjun exhales. “Finally, shoot.”

Jeno clears his throat. “Jinhee confessed to Mark hyung today and from what we heard, he didn’t reject her. At least that’s what Jinhee’s been saying. We haven’t talked to him all day so we can’t confirm it either. That’s basically it.

It’s a punch in the gut, his stomach burning up and curling with waves of jealousy. His chest constricts and a thousand tiny needles pierce through his flesh when the words finally register into his brain. When did the ‘ _it’s too soon’_ turn into _‘it’s too late’?_ Is he too late now? 

His eyes are bleary, hot with the beginning of tears and he swallows down the lump in his throat. “What?”

“But!” Donghyuck jumps in between them, takes Renjun’s face in a hand and squeezes his cheek. He tilts his head up to look at him and Renjun is completely drained of the energy to even fight him off. “It’s what Jinhee is saying, for all we know she’s just saying it to save face. It’s Mark hyung. Mark hyung rejects everyone.”

“So, what are you gonna do, Injunnie? You’re gonna walk home with him right? Are you gonna ask him?” Jaemin prods, scooting his chair closer to him too until all three of his friends are crowded around him.

Renjun blinks back the tears because there’s no way they’re going to let him live this down if he starts crying about Jinhee confessing to Mark. He’s always known that Mark is popular with everyone, he’s always known that Mark gets confessed too at least bimonthly. It doesn’t mean it hurt less.

“What do I even do? It’s not like… It’s not like I like him or anything.”

Jeno puffs out an exhale at the same time Jaemin erupts in laughter. Donghyuck squeezes his cheeks harder. “You can lie to yourself, you can lie to Mark, but you can’t lie to us, Injunnie. We’ve been enduring the tension for years! Isn’t it about time you confessed?”

He grabs at Donghyuck’s wrist, fights to pry it away but Donghyuck remains steady. “What! You guys said it yourselves, Mark hyung rejects people. If I confess, I’ll probably look stupid and he’ll probably not want to be friends with me anymore. Do you guys really want that?”

Silence falls upon the empty classroom as Renjun’s friends exchange looks in front of him. He feels out of place, like he’s not in on the joke and the three of them have been enjoying the running gag for ages. Donghyuck’s hand falters away from his face as he sits down on Jaemin’s desk. Jaemin cheers, wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and snuggles him there, resting his head against Donghyuck’s side. 

“You know, I’ve never seen two smart people become this incredibly stupid when they’re in love.” Donghyuck attacks with a smirk on his face. 

There’s that gut-wrenching feeling again, but this time it’s not _that_ terrible. What is it? What does Donghyuck mean by that?

“The last time I checked, Mark hyung doesn’t see me like that.” He corrects, grabbing his bag from the floor and tucking his emceeing script into it to announce his exit. “And I will not tolerate this slander.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Jeno speaks out from his corner, turning all attention to him. “It’s true. You and Mark hyung become the biggest idiots when next to each other. Isn’t it obvious that he rejects all those people because he’s been waiting for you?”

There’s a moment of clarity when Jeno finishes speaking. Everything speeds up, then slows down⏤and time focuses on all the moments he’s shared with Mark. Is it possible that all these years Mark has been waiting for him too? Is it possible that his friends are seeing things better than he can because they’re outsiders? 

But how can Renjun not see it? How can Renjun not feel it?

He frowns at Jeno. “That’s not a good joke, Jeno. And you guys are just making fun of me. Bye. I’m leaving.”

They don't stop him. They never do. But he overhears the rest of the conversation as he closes the door behind him. “Geez, he’s really so stubborn. Doesn’t he see that he’s running out of time?” Jaemin sighs. 

“I think he sees that enough. But what about Mark hyung? If he really likes Renjun, he should've confessed by now. I think we need to meddle.” Donghyuck’s voice comes in, but it begins to fade out as Renjun takes hesitant steps away from the classroom. 

Should he still be hearing this? 

“I don’t think we have the right to meddle… I mean… push them to the right direction, sure, but I think we’ve done enough. It’s really just up to them.” Jeno’s voice comes in, mellow and soft.

His heart aches as he takes heavy steps. _It’s up to them._ But it’s too soon. There’s no perfect timing now. Mark didn’t reject Jinhee. 

How can this be possible? How can it be _too soon_ and how can it be _too late_ at the same time?

Renjun continues walking.

He wants to continue walking straight home by himself even if it’s scary to cross the street by himself. He wants to, he really wants to be alone and not speak to anyone and just scream into his pillow for the rest of the night. 

But life doesn’t want him to do that. 

Mark doesn’t want him to do that.

Renjun runs into Mark as he’s about to exit through the school gate, Mark catches up to him⏤splaying himself all over Renjun’s back and walking with him. 

How can Renjun mope by himself when Mark is always catching up to him? How can he wallow in his own self-deprecating thoughts when Mark holds his hand the moment they encounter the first crossroad? 

_Mark is holding his hand._

“Why were you in such a rush?” Mark breaks the comfortable silence, swinging their hands between them as they walk the familiar roads. “I almost missed you.”

Renjun chokes up, that constricting feeling tight in his chest again. How long can he keep up with this? How long can he keep up with the _words_ that make him overthink and the actions that make him go insane? How far can he keep his feelings secret before everything blows up in his face?

“I wasn’t,” he lies through his teeth, eyes downcast at his feet, “I knew you were coming so…” 

Mark accepts that explanation and swings their hands together again. 

Should he ask? If Mark isn’t telling him about it, he has no right to overstep their boundaries, right? If Mark doesn’t want to talk about it, he probably shouldn’t ask. There’s no reason for him to be sticking his nose in things he’s not involved in.

“I did something bad today.”

Renjun’s head snaps up, looking at Mark with a worried gaze. “What?” 

Mark can _never_ do anything wrong. He’s _Mark Lee,_ the world will end before Mark does something morally incorrect. That’s one of the few things in life that Renjun is certain of. 

“You’re kidding.” He says. “How can you do something bad?”

Mark pauses in his tracks, halting Renjun with him. Renjun remembers what his friends said today, they couldn’t find Mark anywhere so really⏤where has he been the entire time?

“I made a girl cry,” Mark says, chewing on his bottom lip, “I made Jinhee cry because I told her that I didn’t want to go out with her.” 

Renjun blinks. 

“What?”

“She confessed today… and… I rejected her and she cried. And I didn’t know how to react but I told her that I couldn’t go out with her. I made someone cry... so I just... hid away.”

Renjun bites back the smile that’s threatening to come out of him. He _should_ feel bad because someone got rejected, someone got their feelings hurt but can you really blame him for feeling relief that the rumors aren’t true? Can anyone blame him for being glad that Mark doesn’t have eyes for anyone? 

But he figures that it really only means one thing⏤those who are in love with Mark Lee are in an unrequited love. 

(Though, there may be an exception to the rule.) 

“Mark hyung, Jinhee has been spreading rumors that you didn’t reject her and you’re worried about hurting her feelings? I’m sure she’s not worried about yours.”

People pass by them, and Renjun can sense the heavy gazes on the back of his head but he corners Mark. “I know that you feel bad now but… it’s not your fault that you don’t feel like that for her. You didn’t do anything wrong. Her feelings are hers, and she should have known that there’s always the risk of being rejected when you confess to someone.”

Mark steps backwards, the downturn of his lips now pulled up into a hesitant smile. “Still…”

“No, now stop thinking about it. She did something worse, she spread rumors instead of being a good sport about it and accepting rejection. She’ll be hearing from me.” 

Renjun doubts that he can say anything to Jinhee, but the thought of coming up to her tomorrow to school and putting her in place⏤to let everyone know that she’s not and will never date Mark, brings some ardent fire of satisfaction to him. 

Mark stares at him. “Really? You’d do that?”

He steps back. “No, probably not… maybe I’ll bring Donghyuck with me. Then she’ll know not to mess with you.” 

“Alright,” Mark smiles now, a smile that reaches his eyes, “I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Don’t worry about it. We still have a song to practice, right?”

Renjun tugs Mark close to him by the hand. “Yup. We still have to nail the lazy song. And I want pork buns since I’m doing you a favor and all.”

“Of course, pork buns it is.”

Renjun thinks of exceptions to the rule, thinks he belongs under a very specific clause there. 

_He’s going to do it._

**v. panlima**

“God, I’m fucking nervous.” 

He wants to go to the bathroom and maybe spend the rest of the concert there. He’s been pulled into different directions because of his hosting responsibilities and now he’s trying to squeeze himself into the pants that Jaemin demanded him to wear for his performance with Mark. Costume changes have always been a hassle.

“You’ll be fine.” Donghyuck claps his hand against his back harshly, making him tumble forward and Renjun barely manages to get back on his feet. There’s a performer on stage now, and he’s singing with Mark next. The backstage is dark and a lot of people are moving behind the scenes. 

“Don’t worry about hosting, if you’re late I can improvise.” Donghyuck assures him, claps his back again and Renjun pushes him away.

“That hurts, you’re going to slap my voice box out of my fucking throat.” 

Donghyuck laughs and throws his arm over him. Mark is behind them, conversing with some of the technical staff for the guitar to make sure that all of his cable is connected properly. He _probably_ can’t hear them. 

“Good luck, and you better not run away after this. You better do it.”

“I’m not running away. I’m gonna sing that song and eat it up. You better make sure that Jeno and Jaemin are filming this.”

Donghyuck nudges him. He can hear the performer on stage coming into the last chorus. He doesn’t even know what song this is. 

“You know that’s not what I mean!” Donghyuck bleats. 

He knows what Donghyuck means. It’s just The Lazy Song, a song he’s been singing since he was eleven, a song that he’s been singing with Mark since first year⏤there’s no way that he’ll mess up or forget the lyrics. But that’s not what makes him nervous, what makes him nervous is the aftermath of the concert. 

He plans to do it tonight.

Renjun has brought it up first to his meddling friends. He’s going to confess to Mark after the concert. They already know anyway, what is he going to lose by letting them in on his secret? He’s going to confess to Mark on the way home after the concert. Nothing can be more perfect and more romantic than that. They’ll be walking home later than usual, the sun would have set and the stars would have dominated the sky by then. It would be romantic, it would be perfect. They all agree it’ll be the perfect way to confess to Mark; it’s intimate, something that is solely theirs. 

He has to get through the concert first before that.

Donghyuck gets whisked away by the stage manager, pulling him into a discussion. Renjun places his hand on his chest, his heart beating against his palm and he breathes. His nerves are pumping under his skin but he knows the can do this. He can do this for Mark.

“Hey.” Mark grabs his free hand and Renjun jumps in his place, whipping his head to look at him. He has his guitar hanging by a strap, cradled by his chest and he looks so fucking cute that Renjun can only think of one thing. _Confession._

If not for the busy bodies moving past them, Renjun would have uttered the words he has kept to himself all these years. 

“Nervous?”

He squeezes Mark’s hand and gulps down the remnants of nervousness. “Not anymore.”

It’s not as bad as he thought.

He sings his heart out, the crowd is loud and the lights are blinding but everything around him blurs out when he looks at Mark.

Mark’s next to him, shyly strumming his guitar as he sings his verse and Renjun thinks that he’s falling in love all over again. He doesn’t look any different from how he does everyday, he just has his hair curled and styled and he’s wearing a button-up with a denim jacket over it. 

He’s still the same Mark Lee, but the lights and the music and the cheers make Renjun think that this is right where Mark belongs. He belongs with popularity, he belongs with people loving and admiring him. 

Is it foolish to believe that he belongs with him too?

The walk back home isn’t… as ideal as Renjun thought.

The rain poured just as the concert was five minutes away from finishing. This only meant that the streets were muddy and wet, and that they had to stay back to wait until the rain had subsided. Renjun wouldn’t mind that normally, it meant he’d get to hang out with his friends after the concert but he needed to do something important tonight that he couldn’t sit still any longer as everyone around him celebrated the successful concert.

People congratulated him, people took pictures with him and Mark but his brain was working on autopilot because he had been focused on one thing. He needed to confess to Mark tonight or else he would be completely too late. There wouldn’t be another time, there wouldn’t be another perfect opportunity for him to tell him everything.

It took a while, but they’re finally on the way home now and this is… not what Renjun imagined. The moon has been overshadowed by the cloud, there are puddles in the holes in the road, the concrete is slippery, and Renjun is so upset he could cry. He has always loved the rain, but why did it have to rain tonight? 

“Renjun?” Mark calls his attention as they reach the crossing before the convenience store. They’re so close to his house, how long has he been wallowing in his dismay for that long? 

“Mhm?” He tries hard to not choke on his words, he’s too upset that he can’t even find it in himself to speak. Stupid rain, stupid classmates and stupid feelings making him _overthink_ everything. 

“Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me right? Did anything happen?” 

Mark is always worried, about how other people feel, about how his friends feel⏤he doesn’t like making Mark feel worried. So he forces out a smile and shakes his head. “I’m okay! Nothing happened… just tired, and hungry.”

“Perfect then… you’re up for some pork buns?”

The streetlights shine brighter tonight under the dark sky, but Renjun thinks nothing can be brighter than the smile Mark gives him as he takes his hand in his. 

What is he even overthinking about? Mark is here, next to him, they’re alone by themselves and no rain or mud or exhaustion can stop him from confessing to Mark. 

He agrees to the pork buns. 

Now that he’s calm and warm, sitting on a table by the windows of the convenience store, Renjun has lost all of his words. Before the concert, he had a speech prepared in his mind to confess to Mark because he wants it to be perfect. But here he is now, watching as Mark pays for pork buns in the same old dimly lit convenience store with the bored-looking cashier. 

It’s not going to be perfect, and that’s okay, he only needs to do it now. 

His hands are trembling so he clasps them together over the table. His heart is jackhammering in his ribcage that he feels like he’s going to pass out from the sheer exhaustion. He can feel his pulse in his throat, loud in his ears and deep in his bones. This is the moment, where he either makes or breaks it, he’s not hoping for anything⏤he knows the odds are not in his favor, and he’s prepared to deal with the consequences if Mark doesn’t like him back. He’s aware, and he’s accepting those situations. 

_(“If your truth will ruin your friendship, then maybe you’re not friends at all.” Jaemin says after he tells them about his plans of confessing to Mark, and subsequently, about his anxieties._

_“And Mark hyung isn’t like that, you know that… even if he didn’t like you back, he wouldn’t stop talking to you and pretend you didn’t exist. You’ll still be his friend.” Jeno adds, his smile assuring Renjun._

_Donghyuck blows a raspberry. “Boring! That’s not true, Mark definitely likes Renjun back. They’re gonna live happily ever after so stop moping and grow some fucking balls. Confess to him and then thank me later. I want pork buns!”)_

Mark is five feet away from him, beaming with his hands full of the pork buns and the drink. They split it this time, because Renjun insisted and Mark likes to let him win sometimes. 

Mark steps closer, takes another step, and another until he is right in front of Renjun. Time stops, and Renjun brings out every ounce of courage in him to open his mouth. 

“Mark hyung, please go out with me.”

Shock is written all over Mark’s face, his eyebrows disappearing into his fringe as he drops the pork buns onto the table. They make a dull sound against the table. “Huh?”

Renjun huffs out a breath. “Go out with me. Like a date. I like you.”

He’s always thought that he’s good at speaking⏤that he’s good at expressing himself when it comes to presentations and reports and hell, he has just finished hosting a big event for his entire school and here he is⏤struggling to fucking form his confession.

Words fail him at the most important times, and Renjun wants so badly to run away but he’s glued to his seat. He’s watching Mark with terror in his eyes.

The shock in Mark’s expression falls apart, until he’s smiling, until he’s smiling so bright that he’s sparkling in Renjun’s eyes. Renjun closes his eyes, waits for Mark to laugh _at_ him and tell him that he doesn’t see him like that. _They’re just friends. He shouldn’t have made it weird._ He has his hands in his fist so hard that his fingernails dig into his palms. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s… let’s date.”

_What?_

Renjun opens his eyes slowly, peeking through one eyelid before he opens the other. Is he dreaming? Probably. But Mark is right here, in front of him and stepping closer into his space. He looks up at him, extra conscious of the cashier at the counter. 

“Injunnie, let’s date.” Mark repeats. And yeah, Renjun hears that loud and clear. It buries deep into his brain, tickles a part of his heart that makes him want to leap into Mark’s arms and hug him. “I… I like you too… I didn’t think you thought of me like that so I didn’t want to⏤”

“Are you crazy?” He cuts Mark off, blushing red. “No… sorry, you’re not crazy… you’re just really… oblivious.”

Mark is laughing deliriously, head thrown forward, presses it against Renjun’s own as he cups his cheeks. _He’s so close._

Renjun didn’t think he'd get this far, but he’s here now and… he doesn’t think he’ll ever be this happy again. Mark is laughing against him, his breath fanning over Renjun’s lips. His hands are shaking from the anticipation, from the overwhelming warmth that’s drowning him and he’s sharing that with Mark.

He’s fluttering all over, like a thousand butterflies swarmed his stomach all at once. _He wants to kiss him._

“Hyung,” Renjun whispers, hand grabbing Mark’s wrist to steady himself, “are you gonna kiss me?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

It’s awkward⏤he’s painfully aware that they’re in public, and he’s about to have his first kiss with his stomach growling from how hungry he is but he doesn’t care. 

Mark kisses him, soft and gentle and tender. It’s better than Renjun imagined, his heart stutters and he can’t stop smiling. It’s a peck, nothing more than that, innocent and chaste. It’s perfect. 

Everything is perfect. They’ll figure out things later, but everything is perfect. 

(“I’m sorry… for not realizing things sooner…” 

“Did you reject all those people because you only like me?”

“Yes… yes…”

“You’re forgiven, then.”)

**huli.**

He knows it’s coming. 

They’ve talked about this countless times. They talked about this while hanging out at Mark’s bedroom, cuddling the remaining hours they have together. They talked about this in between their final exams. They talked about this with their friends who have little to no positive input. They talked about this while he helps Mark pack his things for university. They talk a lot.

It still hurts. He’s still terrified. Mark’s only been his boyfriend for a couple of months and he’s already leaving to Seoul to move in for university. Time is so unfair, distance is so unfair. 

But his love for Mark will know more than distance, it’ll mature with them and he trusts Mark with everything he has. He loves Mark, and Mark loves him too. Everything ahead of them is unsure, but they’ll be fine. That’s the one thing that Renjun is certain of.

The train station is loud with the chatter of arrival and departure, but all Renjun can hear is Mark. All Renjun knows is Mark. 

“Seoul is only a few hours away.” Mark says. They’re surrounded by Mark’s family so they keep it down to just holding hands. They’ve kissed a lot back in his room. “I’ll visit during long weekends. Promise you’ll study hard, yeah? And be careful when you cross the street.”

Renjun stands closer to him. Mark’s family doesn’t question why he’s here, far too used to his presence. “I promise. I’ll get a scholarship in Seoul too, you’ll see. I’ll be right behind you and you won’t even notice it.”

Mark giggles and pulls him in a hug, his arms wrapped around Renjun’s chest so tight that he lifts him off the ground. Renjun hugs him back, arms around Mark’s neck and face buried in his coat. This is the last hug they’ll have in a long time, so Renjun relishes in it. _It’ll be fine._

  
  


Renjun walks home alone that night, but when Mark sends him a text message telling him that he arrived in Seoul safely, he doesn’t feel lonely at all. Maybe he’ll stop by for some pork buns before he heads home. 

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and it was originally inspired by renjun and mark choosing each other as the person they want to go on a late night walk with... and then they covered lazy song and got reminded of very visceral high school memories SO HERE CAME THE ABOMINATION.... 
> 
> i hope u like it though <3


End file.
